Grace Kelly has nothing on the elegant bitches of MTV’s new show, Jersey Shore.  Have you guys seen it?  I can’t get enough. (I even changed my “About Me” on my Facebook profile to “Family. Friends. Tanning. Gel. Everything;” words of truth and wisdom from the one and only Pauly D.) Although I could never do their charm or allure justice, here are a few tips for looking “a little more classier.”

Self Tanner - Tanning gives most of these girls’ lives meaning.  Since we’re not at the Shore, try a self tanner.  Jergens Natural Glow Daily Moisturizer ($8) and Clarins Liquid Bronze Self-Tanning ($32) both boast natural-looking color.  Eff that!  Pile it on!

Smokey Eye Kit - The Jersey Shore is all about hooking up with guidos (or “Marios,” as my mom calls them).  Everyone knows you can’t hookup with guidos without dousing yourself in black eyeliner.  Maybelline’s Charcoal Smokes Eyeshadow Quad ($5.50) has all the colors you need to create a subtle smokey eye but who cares! Just use the black!

Temporary Tattoos - Did you guys not pump your biggest fist pump when you first laid eyes JWOWW’s SICK dragon tattoo?! Get your own to go from trashy to classy in under a minute!  You can’t go wrong with a butterfly or a rose. Tattoosales.com even has a complete  Ed Hardy section! I wish I was kidding.

Hair Claws and Hairspray - Every guidette needs a signature hairstyle and  Snooki’s is “the poof.”  She even claims to have invented it.  Luckily all you need to get it just like her’s is a hideous 90s hair claw and some Aqua Net ($2.50).  Capisce?

Hope to see you and your implants at the Shore.  In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, go Italy!